Internet »

I just found the High Heel Diaries blog, and laughed out loud while reading this entry, which completely and accurately describes my feelings towards Facebook as well as hers.I had to share. By the way, this is also not my Facebook profile…

Dear Facebook,
First of all, I want to thank you for realizing how elitest you were in the past and allowing non-Ivy-Leaguer college students to join your social networking/stalking website. When I entered graduate school, I was thrilled that I could get rid of my Myspace page and underage friends and join a “real” almost professional website that would allow me to reconnect with people from high school who still live in my hometown.

However, when you opened your website to everyone and their mom (literally), I quickly realized what a devil in disguise you are. For instance, the newsfeed. Seriously, this is the worst idea ever, kind of like tight-rolled jeans. I mean, do I give two-shits if, at 1:55p.m., Debra’s baby started crying from a toothache?! Or, if at 2:05p.m. that same day, that same baby is repordedly now “Sleeping like a little angel?” And perhaps the worst part of this nonsense is that you allow people to comment on this crap, which just provokes the serial status updater to post even more useless comments about their babies, dinner plans, and what time they’re going to bed!!!

Okay, okay. I realize this is not all your fault, you rich Facebook bastards. And I’m not saying that I never update my status, but honestly, if I can tell you all about a person’s day just by their frequently-changing status, then isn’t that a little odd? Perhaps you should put a cap on the number of status updates per person/per day. You see, FB is like alcohol and should only be consumed in moderation. Perhaps I should invent a “FB Anonymous” Group. Hmmmm…

Aside from the serial status updaters, there are also the people who befriend everyone they think they might know, once knew, and want to know. Seriously, I once had a woman, whom I went to HS with, yet did not know at all, request to be my friend more than 5 times! Finally, I wrote her a super-bitchy e-mail telling her I would never be her friend and that just because we went to the same HS over a decade ago, doesn’t make us best buddies. Then, I blocked her ass. Was that mean?! I don’t really care because people like that don’t want to just be your virtual friend. Oh no. These are the people who write on people’s walls “just to say “Hi.”" They are probably also the same people commenting on every one’s status. It’s like they’re hungry for attention and filling that void with words, hoping their FB friends will give them the attention they wish they got from their real-life friends.

At any rate, Facebook, although you are perhaps the evil spawn of the devil, I will still continue use your services because I like making fun of stupid people. It’s great bar-talk.

Sincerely,
High-heelgal

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!